i should probably stop subletting tumblrs off of tumblrs.
it makes things more confusing than they should be.
i should probably learn how to settle down,
stop leaving everything.
if i added you here,
it’s because i meant to add you here (honey lungs)
it just didn’t work out so well.
words: dreamnoises.tumblr.com
pictures: animalnotanimal.tumblr.com
truth: honeylungs.tumblr.com
you exist in the nicks of my teeth, the blood i wake to on pillows. that stale taste after a long night of waiting for something, just anything, to happen. i’m in love with you & you don’t exist. you don’t exist. we don’t exist.
i’m alright sleeping alone. give me my space & i’ll give you yours. miles & miles & miles in between. after a night spent showing your god-awful teeth you wake up in a bed next to someone talking fucking incessantly. don’t you know how beautiful silence can be & you smell like whiskey & too many lies, a different life. you lay there watching the cobwebs move in the breeze of the heat & count the cracks in your teeth if i can’t see you, you can’t see me & maybe you’ll close your mouth. one, two, three, four the pipes bang & the floor boards rattle as you listen to the world slowly falling apart. excuse me, can you shut your mouth & help me dig my way out of this skin?
search & destroy, search & destroy.
one day you’ll find one who won’t back down.
i’ll leave this home hand in hand with my ghost. those silly little skeletons in my closet have been sneaking out as i sit in meetings discussing “cases” & watch through the small window as my case throws himself against the padded walls screaming “I’LL KILL YOU I’LL KILL YOU ALL.” this routine is negatively affecting me in quite so many ways. a big black hole slowly swallowing my insides.
the sun will come.
the sun will come.
the sun will come.
there was that time we slept in the old house & called upon all the things that had haunted the house because we were young & that’s what you do. we sat in the old bathtub & called fourth all the things that haunted ourselves, we were fucked, that’s what you do. there were skeletons in the floors. there were bats in the attic. there was blood in the pipes. we were haunted as the house.
at night you light up like a city, a secret city that exists inside your small chest buried deep down inside. one night as you slept i cracked your ribs & looked inside. you didn’t stir. one night as you slept i crawled inside. you didn’t stir. you were made a tree. you were made a wolf like me.
birdbelly.
love love what a fickle thing.
i’ll take out my heart to make the birds sing.
i’ll cut it into tiny pieces & scatter it on the green grass.
i’ll watch as the birds bellies get fat.
elephants.
(may 5th, 2007)
yes…no….i don’t really know sir? i just keep thinking of those white elephants & nights spent drunk in an old automobile. i keep thinking of that look she would get in her eyes as she tugged at my shirt looking up at me & smiling. those white elephants & the nights spent sitting on those large rocks by the ocean spilling my secrets & watching as she accepted me. feeling her body tense up at the mention of my heart getting broken. feeling her body loosen when i would remind her she really did exist. we were young & reckless but we didn’t know ourselves, it’s probably what i regret most. that…& never stopping to see those sheep by the water, those sheep that she said reminded her of some story read her back in high-school. “tomorrow i will drown by the lighthouse, for everyone to see” were my last words to my cat as i walked out the door that morning. to think, a cat being the last person i chose to talk to. i wanted my body to shine under the lighthouse light, i would be bloated & white like the white elephants she spoke of…yes, i know this was a criminal act. things happen. we move on or at least pretend to. oh yes, i’ll follow you.
